Kiko and moi.....

Yesterday i was at the house of my family.
Mother started babbling something thru dinner.....something about me and Kiko needed parenting classes to learn to be parenting.....and that exactly that would be a great change in everything....like it was practically evolutionary apokaliptical the statement.....

Truly i find we do luch Northernlight with tons of love.
And have ways of showing that.....also....


But somehow she gets Kiko confused in her own epical dream of her and him parenting my daughter....
thou it is known she struggles with things that has to do with love and the expression of love.....

We find other ways she can show it......
But as time passes ....truly....i find Kikos previous ideal forms of expressing love....has degraded more and more into mothers cold....even violent forms of expressing the love within them.

Nomather.....

Thing is.....after dinner....i started to cry....and auntie consoled me....we went out for a walk....i....me...sobbing while cleaning my nose regularly.....and she tapping me shoulder....

- I love him....i whispered.....
- You love Kiko she said....i know....i always knew.....
- But they wont let us be together i said......they always made it troublesome.....they think he is not goood enough for me.....
And mom is in on it.....that is the worst.....
She wants me to be with family instead.....cousins or siblings....

- I love Kiko....i know he is imperfect.....but i love him soo much.....i dont care about the perfection.....

Suddenly she changed the subject......
- Hay....you know who asked for you.....?
the chubby son of Esmeralda......
Whoom...him....
- Yes....he was asking for you the other day.....we told him you where not here....but that you would come by one of this days.....
- Really....he asked for me.....?
- Yes......
Omg....

- Come on...they are at the neighbour house packing things out to move in....come on....
- But you have to come to.....soo we can talk to them....
- No...no...no...not me....you go alone....i have to....like...take some stuff back in...into the house.....

I certainly senced something was on.....thou....i simply....i simply waved hello to The chubby teddy guy, and to his father.....
I had seen him often around his family....i never really saluted him directly....thou....i kinda...mmm...
well...i always liked teddy bear type guys.....

We continued to walk....we walked into the town....of the little village....
We went into a store ...and bought icecream and desert for the evening....


We then arrived home afterwards....
After eating the icecream....auntie wanted to talk in the kitchen....
- THe chubby teddy is still outside....they are still lushing things out....from the van....
You should go out.....
Well....only if Esmeralda is there....
- She is....she is....gooo....


I went out.....
I walked with Esmeralda....
My cousin came out....He tempted Esmeralda with chocolate.....she went greedy with her eyes....then he made the chocolate dissapear....even if she checked his pocket....the chocolate was gone.....
( we later discovered it had magically appeared in the kitchen)

I looked at the Teddy.....i sighed.....my lovely Kiko was there....he was in The chubby Teddy....
We went back in.....
My auntie asked me curiously.....what happened.....?
- Well....its him.....The chubby teddy is one of Kikos forms.....
- Its one of his original forms auntie exclaimed.....
- I sighed......
- omg....truly i love him......


Later thou....when we went to take the bus ....
I saw this guy with glasses sitting beside us.....he had a girl in his hand....
Then i heard this whisper....- this is the type of woman i like....

My chest fell.....i felt anger....i met his eyes....i recognised Kiko....
I looked at the girl....she was thin and had huge glasses.....
I guess it was said then.....she was intelligent....since glasses reflect intelligence.....and i a mere fool.....a mere fool....
Without glasses....of course....her tiny waist had probably nothing to do with it....at all.....

I felt soo angry.....

I was angry all the way home......

I telepatised with Kiko in pure argument....

i met him in a dream world.....i got drunk....i didnt mean to meet him there....but....after i was pretty dozy....some fella came over....in a little while....after making out with him....i started to sence...it could be him....Kiko.....my but not mine .....

I left....well...i left into the crowd of other....I silly askde....- Anybody else wanna smooch....people looked at me weirdly....
But nobody responded....rather guys then girls....i prefered men i said....thou....it didnt seem as if i even had much to ....mmmm.....select from....since nobody came up to me....


Well...crouched back i strolled back to Kiko....he sat there...nicely...smiling....
I sat beside him.....we made out even more....things escalated....

I realized i love him....even thou...he is a fool.....

I need to relax with him.....

As i said....i cannot expect perfection....

But...he is...weird....

Cause just cause i was dreaming at a paralell place with my brother....well...one of them.....and there we had romantic life....

I woke up to a rousing Kiko almost screaming....very elevated voice....telling mom...i was a lousy mother....and i didnt deserve to have my child....

That something needed be done....a plot....Plan B he said....in a very escalted ...even robotic type alfa voice....like....
as to say....- We are alfas....and we shall plot against this little one....that doesnt understand.....and we will like....screw her over....and we have the right cause ............we are Alfas....

I woke up....but....i had a bad feeling about what i heard and what i senced......

I asked mom....what was that....?

She made a HUGe invention....like a total out story.....changing the subject totally...like it was all in my head.....


Well...it wasnt in my head....they where both in the same room as me....and spoke soo loudly.....that i actually woke up from the conversation.....


Plan B he said ....Plan B....

No angel....
We are not gonna do plan B....

We are gonna do Plan A.....
As my brothers have or had planned....first....
NO plan B kiko....

Witch i gather means....simply creating such a huge drama for me....inside of this house....

Either they are gonna attack me....or try and hit me....and then call the police and tell them the story was the other way....actually....

Sooo that is their Plan B.....
very escalated truly....

From a pretty diplomatic plan A....witch is to test our love and relationship to a lever none existent....meaning after plan A......there is no more Kiko and me....no partners can take this challenge.....meaning....yes....Kiko...there will be tons of other people and parents there....
But the situation is diferent for them.....Cause they are not being tested.....

Our tests will be unbearable to us as a couple....and they have already started.....and you ....instead of taking my side....already have gone against. me......shooting at me....Kiko....

Either you lack some understanding of something .......

I know that you say it is about Northernlight.....but even if you now wanna destroy as a mother.....thats actually not even ideal for Northernlight.....and her life....on earth.....


Soo....i dont know what you deal is angel.....

I just see....that i cannot truly help us.....Us...us ...the two of us....truly not....

Even if i should love you to death.....its not ....i cant.....

I know i also get jealouse sometimes....and act stupid....

But ....all in all...as i always conclude....the forces against us are soo strong....that they are stronger then me......

I want to win...i want us to win.....but alone i cant pull this ship called Us......to land......

I am sorry.....